>

I am Fischel.

I run Gravity Falls' only local radio station, "Paranoia On The Coast".

A catchy title, I know. The inspiration struck me in '84 after I heard strange scritching noises behind a dumpster. I was frozen in place and tried to summon the courage to inch my way past it--imagining some sort of Oregonian Bundy waiting to lunge as soon as my back was to it--yet pathetically, crawling out from under a Yumberjacks "Axe-Your-Stomach" burger wrapper, was an Opossum.

It reared back and hissed at me, so I threw my trusty Pozidriv screwdriver at it.

All of this to say, the divine call of inspiration can hit us at any moment. Much like the Opossum's tender forehead meeting my screwdriver.

Speaking of calls, this is what we do best here! If you can somehow manage to pick up on my frequency (which I doubt, the FCC and I have been playing hide and seek for 3 decades), then call in with your strangest stories of the pines, tender tales of the heart--Or, off-putting theories that may make your family decide to institutionalize you at Thanksgiving dinner. We don't judge.

(You will never become an inside joke between me and my family over lovely, steaming trays of TV Dinner. Scouts honor!)